Hot Polka Dot

Good For What Ails You.

I get the hiccups. Quite frequently. It's an annoyance. It's a curse.

Now let me be clear. We're not talking those aw-isn't-that-cute-she-squeeks-like-a-mouse kind of hiccups. We're talking feels-like-I've-been-kicked-in-the-throat-by-a-workhorse-gasping-for-breath-like-I'm-drowning kind of hiccups. These are grown up hiccups people.

The man to hold the world record for the longest case of hiccups is named Charles Osborne who had the hiccups for a full 69 years. That's right. I googled it. Experts estimate he hiccuped 430 million times in that time period. By my calculations that's approximately 17,300 hiccups per day and 12 hiccups per minute. I don't think I've ever had hiccups for longer than 69 minutes and a mere 10 minutes into it I was already about ready to rip my hair out.

I know all the remedies. Oh, you think you're so smart. You think you have one I've never heard of. You don't. I've swallowed spoonfuls of sugar with no results other than a mild sugar rush. I've rather awkwardly attempted a headstand which only ended in falling in a heap on the floor and bruising my knee. I've drank glass after glass of water upside down and backwards which only seemed to make it worse. I've had people scare the crap out of me repeatedly and the hiccups always return. And so on and so forth...

My problem is I have hiccup days. I hate those days. Most people get hiccups once, they cure them and they don't have to worry about it for the rest of the day. That would be nice. With me I seem to go days without getting the hiccups and then one day I get them several times. The hiccup fairy comes and goes as she pleases all the while driving me batty. It's like a cruel joke. I rejoice in curing one case of hiccups only to have to deal with yet another half and hour later. Even worse, the cure I used on the last case of hiccups doesn't ever seem to work on the next bout.

The only similarity between all those hiccup remedies is distraction. Of course if you drink a glass of water upside down you're going to be more concerned with spilling water all over yourself than the hiccups you're curing with it. If you eat a slice of lemon you're going to be too busy making that attractive puckered sour puss face to worry about your hiccups. If a certain someone throws out their arms and screams at you suddenly in their thundering baritone voice you're going to be trying so hard not to pee yourself you're not even going to remember you had hiccups.

I've heard you get hiccups from worrying about something. That might explain it. I get hiccups once and I spend the rest of the day worrying so much about them returning that they do. It's a catch 22. Curse you hiccups! Why must you plague me?

Now onto something less crazy and more tasty. These White Chocolate Apricot Mousse Lace Cups are the polar opposite of those cursed hiccups. Well sort of. They aren't annoying. They aren't embarrassing. They aren't downright uncalled for.

They are pretty. They are adorable. They are definitely delicious.

Perhaps they are the unsung cure for hiccups. Only time will tell.


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