Hot Polka Dot

Creeps and Cake.

Dear Creepy Neighbour,

I saw you creeping last night. What you were really doing at 1 and 2 am in your front yard with a tarp, a halogen lamp and a stack of junk I'll never know.

I know what it looked like you were doing. I half expected you to drag a lifeless body out your front door and start rolling that sucker up.

Which is why I felt it was my civic duty as unofficial head of neighbourhood watch to leer out my upstairs window at you. I may or may not have busted out my telescopic camera lens to leer a little closer. Those things don't work so great at night... or so I hear.

Just a word to the wise, try your very best not to do weird things at all hours of the night. I have a very big imagination and it will, without a doubt, conjure up a much more interesting explanation for your midnight activities than the truth. Folding up tarps and shining lights into people's windows doesn't exactly get you invited to all the cool barbecues.

Speaking of which, do you think you can manage not to shine 500 watts of light willy nilly around the block including into my bedroom windows? Halogen work lamps aren't flashlights. That would really help me sleep at night.

And by the way, it's called a yard not a landfill. You have ten square feet of dirt to look after. A patch of grass or even a small tree is much more aesthetically pleasing than a pile of all manner of junk. Do you think you could, oh I don't know, clean that mess up? You know, as long as that doesn't stimulate your trigger itch. I don't want to wind up snug as a bug in a... tarp.

I'd suggest you channel your creepy energy and redirect it on some cake baking. It's a much more constructive task when compared to your regular activities like scaring the neighbours, glaring at pedestrians, harbouring mean cats, collecting broken down piece of junk cars, or hiding bodies in your freezer.

Thanks a bunch.


That girl across the street.

PS: You don't get any of my cake!


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